Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Rest in peace little sister ♥♥♥


me and Cinta

My Grandma (from my mom) has 7 grandchildren. Two of them are girls... it's me and my little cousin named Sabilla Fauzni. Me and her, Cinta (♥) what she used to called, are having a pretty-big-space-of-age. I am 23 and she was 7. That's because I am the first Grandma's granddaughter... she was the smallest grandchildren... the other our's cousins are boys.S he live in Tasikmalaya. A small city in West Java. We meet eachother rarely.
I always regard her as my own little sister... i am the one and only granddaughter from my mom. I gave her my little shirt, skirt, ants, bags, pencils, Polly Pocket, barbie, trolley... everything...
sometimes, i mad at her because she always follows me or do anything that i do... she break my stuffs, or want me to help her while playing in my portable...
owh.. i'm so happy to have her.
Cinta is a good girl. She was the 1st rank in her first grade class.. even she was the 1st rank of 1st grade on her school. She was the mayoret... and last, she loves to go shalat at the masjid for "tarawih" and "kuliah subuh" in the dawn.



"I want to school at ITB, they got swimming pool..."

September 10th-11th, 2009, maybe will be another day that i could not forget. that is the day for Cinta rest in peace. Doctor said that she got some kind of virus that too-bad-can-not-be-named because she passed away already.

At that Sept 10th, 2009, me and my boyfriend went out for watching movie. We were watching STAR TREK, wasting our time while fasting. After that, we drove around... trying to find something to do. I suggested us to go get some photos at Jonas. When we were inseide the photo box, my mom called. She said that Cinta was having a fever... she'll taken to the hospital. BOOM... my mom and my heart suddenly felt not good. i dunno why. Maybe because i know that she was never complained sick or hurt... she never complained. My boyfriend then told me not to panic.. maybe it just ordinary fever. Every kids got fever. I said that he was right even though i can't fool my heart.
I knew that something is really wrong...


with my mom and mamih, my grandma

I arrived at home. Me and my boyfriend open my laptop... transfer some files... Then another ring to may mom's cellphone told us that she was moved to the ICU.... why....? me so panic... talked gibberish-ly... ohhh.. I really knew that something is really wrong for her...
i beg my mom to booked last travel car to Tasikmalaya. My mom said that we better go tomorrow... i told her that "we better go there now mom...". Another phone from my aunt... and another.. and another... "please, we better go there now mom..."
they told us that Cinta was in bad condition. her brain attacked by a bad bad virus.. she was not concious... she was in coma... she was 7 years old....

happy to be pictured

It was about 1am on Sept 11th 2009... my Dad finally decided to rent a car from his friend. Our cars were being repaired. I drove to Tasikmalaya for 3 hours. I never drove to Tasikmalaya before. I didn't care eventought it was scary at day or night. Inside the car, seat my mom, my uncle, and two of my cousins... no one can drive a car. U shaped and S shaped turns are everywhere. It's dark and lots of big.. huge truck shipping stuffs to places on Java Island. I pray to God for the stregth... for please not let me being sleepy... please save us.. please. i want to see my sister.
Magically.. i made it to Tasikmalaya at 2.30am.... save... heading straight to the hospital.
We ran to the ICU... There we found that Cinta is already use sort of respirator.. pump by the nurse. her heartbeat was so weak... She was breathed so heavy..... there was no responded... i cried.. everybody cried... her skin was blue.. lack of Oxygen.. i was so afraid she could not make it.. i was so afraid that she will be tired at to struggle at that time. i was so afraid for anything that could be happen...

Doctor said that she should be added with respirator machine that would be help to control and read her condition. we wait for a nurse that brought the machine for a moment. The nurse came.. another hope for the family.. maybe it'll help her to breathe better. When the tools was going to be put nside Cinta's mouth, her heartbeat was ZERO...
everybody who saw it panic and crying loudly... everybody was saying tasbih, dzikir, istigfar, syahadat... anything... I talked inside my heart... "please... please... don't give up little girl.. please... we got so much to do.. i got so much presents to give to you.. please.. don't give up...."... i saw her given CPR by the nurses.. it was sacry me to earth.... i saw her face... Cinta's tears coming out... and her heartbeat still zero....
i prayed and talked to her inside my heart again... "please little sister, forgive me for not be able making you happy.. for not taking you for a walk... for not taking you playing.. please... if you are tired... it's okay to go... it's okay to go and be happy there... everybody love you... everybody will remember you... please God, don't let her hurt...."
not just me.. everybody were saying the same... "if you tired.. it's okay, honey"...
then.. woosshhhh... she's gone... .


at my graduation day

I wrote this here for her.. maybe if she could read my blog there in the better place, she'll know how much i love her. I'm sorry i late to give the presents... i plan to buy you some "Princess" stationery for school at Lebaran day. I even promised myself that you'll have to got the best education. me and my mom also plan to buy some clothes for you.. but.. I'm so sorry it not happen yet.... I'm so sorry not accompany you playing games in my laptop, have not taking you to the movies, have not taking you horse riding and eat waffles. I'm so sorry not letting you eating much... I love you little sister.. I always will... rest in peace...

with my boyfriend and me.. this is the last time we met ...
she love my boyfriend and always wants to play with him


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